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2020 Apr 7 Journal

When you’re up, I’m down, and when you’re down, I’m up. Somehow I ended up betting against humanity and winning. I’ve spent the past year and a half essentially alone, which has been a big shift for me. I’ve always been a very social person, and my goal in life is to gather people (more on that another time), but through a series of life events I’ve ended up unexpectedly alone.

At first it was hard, then I got used to it, and now I prefer it. I get to do things my way and have minimal compromising to do. I get to sleep in a bed without being woken up by anyone else. I get to go where I want, when I want. But while I was sad about my loneliness I could hardly know that this world was preparing me for a time of forced isolation, which, to me, is pretty much business as usual. I’ve lucked out in major ways and I’m somehow thriving even though the world around me has more or less shut down. I’m still earning, I’m still healthy, and I have a private music space/office where I get to play all night (and work all day).

While people are bugging out, I’m feeling pretty damn good. While it seems funny now, it wasn’t so funny last year when life had flipped on me in the wrong way, but I guess that’s the lesson — life is gonna keep flipping. It’s hard to predict what is coming next, and I guess I have prepared myself for the unexpected unknowingly, by crafting a life of minimal attachments (which in times like this often end up being liabilities).

I’ve been drumming for hours every night and breaking through every day. I’m continuing to develop systems for living that are helping me create and stick to a production schedule. Obviously it’s still a work in progress — I haven’t posted here in over a month. But it’s been a crazy month with a lot of ups and downs. And now things are steadying a little, so I’ll be dropping more writings here soon.

It’s hard to say how long this period of stability will last for me, but I’m making the best of it while I have it. I’ll have a new record demoed by the end of the summer if I can keep it rockin for a few months, and who knows, maybe by then people will want to start playing music together again.